beautiful ladies who have broken the frames of limitations that this world has made to keep them in. to be unframed is to walk in the narrow & unique path God himself has carved out for you. read their stories, feel their struggles & join them walking in victory.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
send in your testimony!
these little hearts are in love with the Lord
its so amazing to know
He makes us pure & whole again
like children.
you can be this beautiful.
julie.
the photos of me that michelle captured were taken over four months ago. so much has happened since then, both in life and in my heart, and i think the thought of trying to capture all of that, along with each aspect of my life from before those photos were taken … well, that seemed quite overwhelming. i think i was waiting for the sunny moment when life felt perfect - when all of my frames were broken and nothing ever held me down. but by placing perfection as a condition upon sharing my story, i was building a frame around myself once again. while driving one day, thinking for the thousandth time about what i would write, it hit me. the very fact that i have pieces of a story that i cannot sort out on my own only points back to the only One who can. because i am not the one writing the story anyway. so i will share what i have, and He will do the rest.
frames:
for over 8 years, i was in and out of a dark pit of depression. i knew God as my Maker and my Confidant, and i was blessed to have a relationship with the Lord before i can even remember. when i was really little, i would talk to God and i remember feeling Him near. He was as real to me as my own hands and house and family even before i made the connection that the One i spoke to daily was the same One they taught about at church. during the years that i fought mental illness, i never questioned if He was there or not. i knew He was, and i knew intellectually that He loved me. but somewhere within, i was afraid that God would not heal me. i knew He could. but i was afraid that if i asked Him to heal my mind, and if He didn’t, then i would begin to lose the part of my faith that i so desperately clung to. i had never felt so disconnected from all of life, and i felt too filthy and unclean and way too crazy to truly approach the God of the Universe. my brain’s typical “defense mechanisms” would kick in and would block out any truths about Jesus Christ. i couldn’t understand why i wasn’t able to feel the love He has for me. even when i tried - when i fought and prayed to encounter the Cross - it was as if a wall went up. the words on the pages of the Gospels would go blurry and my heart would shut it out.
the symptoms of depression became worse as time went on and there was a point when i was unable to physically function, hold a steady job, or communicate normally with other people. i began to question if i was even alive or if i was making up my entire life in my head. i became so numb that time and space were irrelevant, and the only relief that i found was through self-injury. the physical pain reminded me that i was still alive and breathing.
i believe Satan tried everything he could to strip me of life.
freedom:
but God is bigger, mightier, and stronger than any stronghold or scheme of the devil!
the Word says in Romans that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express” (Romans 8:26). He did. i believe the prayers of the Spirit on my behalf were heard. God pulled me from the pit. it wasn’t overnight, and it was by no means easy, but i did not do it by myself. He provided me with tools - a wonderful therapist, antidepressants, parents that pushed me forward - but none of those things saved me. i am free from the chains of depression because of my Savior and my Healer, Jesus Christ. without Him, i’d be dead.
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” (Psalm 40:2-3) !
God is:
Healer. He heard my cries and took my heart and restored it. He blessed me with restoration beyond what i could have asked for - He restored me mentally, healing me of mental illness … i could smell lilacs, feel ecstatic joy, and revel in the beauty of this world again. He restored me physically, drawing me to Himself in a way like never before and teaching me that He comes before all things, including food. and He restored me spiritually, tearing down the mental wall that hindered me from truly experiencing the grace and love of Jesus Christ.
my Beloved. Jesus has romanced me into loving Him first. i am unworthy to be His bride, and yet He calls me His own and washes each and every stain away. who am i, that i am loved like this? He is the Creator of Love itself, the Lover of my soul!
my heart:
my heart is healing. it is glowing. it is humbled.
i am mourning the loss of one of my dearest friends to suicide.
i am rejoicing in the grace and the eternal hope that is found in Christ Jesus, and the knowledge that He is returning one day with glory and we will all dance around His throne with no more tears, no more pain.
i am humbled by His plans for me for the time i have left here on earth, and the things He has allowed me to experience already.
God works all things out for good. if the experiences that brought me to my knees while in the pit of depression can be used to help another know Jesus Christ better, then it was all worth it. if the testimony that i bear can bring hope to those who are lost inside their minds, then give me Your words, Your hands, Your healing, Your prayers, so that they can turn their eyes to You, O God. release them from Satan’s grip, Jesus.
thank You for the suffering, so that i could witness Your healing. You are good, God, and You are great.
there is hope! this life is beautiful, and intricate, and Your love is extravagant.
sent in testimony!!
By the time I was five I was used to the routine. Dad out of town for work and mom stocking up for her weekend binge- beer cigarettes and movies for me to watch so I would be kept busy and out of her hair for the evening once she began. Boring and predictable. I had my own version of a security blanket, a tv, my set shows and times memorized I could plan out my night after the programs and reruns so that I would know when to put in the movie.
Mother and me vacations every summer to visit her family and get away from my dads paradise usually turned out nice. Around those folks there wasn’t much need to escape, she was pretty much where she wanted to be at that point. So I learned to cherish and make the most of those times, not really needing or wanting to rely so much on the television during those times.
Talks were had about changing, rearranging our lives, on a somewhat regular basis- giving me the chance to dream of another way of life without such a hassle of knowing whether or not my mom would be getting drunk that night, or if her and my dad would get into a fight. Just separate. Two completely different lives. Hopes reached and then disappointed when the decision would be reached that we were better off with that routine.
All the while going to Christian school and learning about God. Rules, respect, rules, and HIS love. It started to sink. It did take a few years and alot of work for those teachers, God really gave them extra servings of patience having to deal with me. The epitome of a problem child, bossy, disrespectful, always thinking i knew the best way. Pain in the butt. But they kept with me not giving up. To that I praise God and His team sent down to keep me.
finances changed, people moved and my little christian circle was closed. I had grown to old to go and now was moved to public school. I now had classmates whos lives and parents were even more messed up or free than my own- a first in my life-. I suddenly didn’t feel like I had all the freedoms ever know I felt the oppression and need to fit in.
Drinking, then boys, then drugs. I was on top of the world. I could go where I wanted when I wanted with whomever I wanted. It was my life and I had the power. I stopped struggling for a different life far away and decided to sink in. Post up in the most comfortable of places and make sure and do anything that sounded even remotely fun or dangerous. I was an idiot. I no longer thought decisions through because I felt I was owed something through not having my way with my parents decisions or lives. spoiled brat. but I just kept falling. Waking up to thanksgiving dinner with vomit in my hair from drinking myself to sleep. smoking out before another thanksgiving to get hungry, because I had smoked so much I no longer had appetite without smoking. starting a relationship with a guy, even though I knew I didn’t love him the way I should to even be considering anything at all, living with him, and eventually breaking his heart. All because I was too scared, selfish, and egotistical to recognize I was only bringing him down and seeking him to fill the needs only filled through a relationship with Christ.
I was a wreck. I was slowly sinking my ship in a sea of regrets, missteps and overall foolishness.
Finally I reached this point: Living in a drug den of a house with a drug addicted drug dealer on the other side of the wall, smoking pills to get the effects of heroine and making the house reek of chemicals, no job, no goals, stoned at ten o’clock in the morning with the biggest job ahead of me, making lunch, and that seeming like an overwhelming task. I had shut myself up in a little box of unhappiness and guilt for not doing anything. So far gone down the hole of regrets and mistake ((this is the brim of an overflowing cup)) that I had not one clue how to start my way out.
So I prayed. I was crying and hurting and lost and I prayed.
I got on the computer and was shown pictures of a beautiful place. Jealous of this girl I had barely yet loved to know I asked how she got to this place. She sent me an application and I was in.
Psalms 103:12
Jesus took me away. Away from all the terrible decisions I had made. People I had hurt and had been hurt by and saved me. I gave it to God and HE made it all work. I had wasted 5 years of my life and he washed it away with HIS blood and a plane ride.
I got sucked back in and made all of the bad decisions of before again, and some new ones. Again, I sought HIM. Got back to the place HE put me and was truly changed.
It is so so so so so so much work everyday. But it gets easier with each choice made.I have learned the importance of crucifying the self for His sake and to be a true bondservant of HIS needs.
Romans 12
2Corinthians 5:17
Yes, I still have the same things pull on me and try and bring me down. But, I can go on my knees to pray to the one who knew and still loved me. He waits willing to help in every way. I still have to fight and think and really understand the consequences and care about the impact my decisions make, because I am living for God now, and His goals. Not my own little ideas of what might make something work out right. But a true walk in faith, knowing I know nothing. Knowing my own brilliant schemes are mere fecal matter compared to the beautiful mosaic HE created out of HIS path for my life. to ebb and flow and reach and keep going. I no longer escape HIS love for the blackhole of the numb. I am free and bought in HIS blood and give HIS name CHRIST JESUS all the glory. He has done everything I could ever dream and more, and is still going. I just have to ask, knock, seek.
Matthew 7:7-11
lets keep going!
ladies, contact me if you would like to share Gods love story on this blog!
facebook.com/michelleannmckee
586 405-6398
remember, there is great power in your testimony!
response to brittany’s story
This post really touched me. I have a 15 year old who I am pretty sure could really relate to who you say you used to be. My prayer is that God will reach her in His own way and she will have the testimony that you have. I don’t know you, but I am proud to call you my sister in Christ.
brittany.
frames: i grew up all my life knowing who Jesus was. i knew that almost every answer in sunday school and vacation bible school could be answered with his name. i knew i should love him and i did. at least, as much as a little girl could understand of it. i remember going to a christian camp, called lake louise, in fifth grade. walking back from the camp fire i chose to respond to the invitation to invite Jesus into my heart as my Savior. i was happy with the decision i made. i felt proud of myself. but that was exactly the problem. i was proud. i figured i did the right thing, and i did, but nothing changed. i didn’t truly encounter my Father. in eighth grade i was confirmed. i was a member of a lutheran church and after studying luther’s small catechism i was to give a speech declaring my faith before the church and my family. i remember for the first time truly looking at my life and seeing all that Christ had done for me. i was so proud of the speech i had written and was ready to stand in front of everyone and declare Christ as my King. but again, i was proud. throughout my time at my christian high school i remember moments of truly feeling the Spirit move in my life, and countless times of rededicating my life to Him. but i can see how the majority of my time was trying to live with one foot in each world. i tried to have it all. a relationship with God but a life that was ‘fun’ and ‘living in the moment’ according to the world. it’s easy to say i found my worth in my friendships and the relationships i had. i was a go, go, go kind of person-and i never took time to dwell with God. i loved the Lord, and yes i was working on my heart, but it was always when there was down time from doing the next thing, when i found it convenient to spend time with God. youth group was about friends with God thrown in the mix, as was the same with church and school. how people felt about me and viewed me was so important to me. how i viewed myself was huge. but the one person that should have mattered most, didn’t matter to me. i was sucked into the lies of the world. i struggled with self image for years and years. i sought relationship after relationship because that’s where i found my confidence. it was easy for me to get what i wanted. i manipulated people and used the beauty God gave me to get it. i didn’t care about people’s hearts as God does. i was selfish. i was proud.
freedom: God didn’t give up on me. he pursued my heart and protected me in ways i couldn’t even image at the time. i am so thankful that his Spirit and voice were strong enough in my heart that He was able to convict me of the things i was doing soon enough before i made huge mistakes i would carry with me forever. through a friend caring about my well being, God used them to save me from an eating disorder. during a time of depression and the worst heartache i have ever felt in my life- i cried out to God. i sat in my car and just poured out my heart to God in a way i had never experienced. He broke my heart down so that He could be the one to fill it. he showed me how he has to be the most important relationship in my life. on february 10th, 2009 i truly believe that is the moment that God took all of my heart. He had whispered his love into mine. this time it was nothing i did. it was nothing of my own self. he picked up all my broken pieces and held me. he told me, “brittany i love you. you are my beloved. your worth is in everything that I do for you. come away with me my love.” i can’t say the next months were easy. i still was fighting a huge darkness of depression that Satan was fogging around my heart and mind; doing anything to keep me from my Father. but God didn’t and won’t relent.
God is: Stronger. Deliverer. Healer. God has saved me. He has shown me through the power of prayer and His Word that he is stronger than anything terrible thing that can happen to me. He has delivered me from my own pride, from my own self demise. He has healed my heart from all of the hurt that i have experienced. and promises to be my peace and strength during all the hurt and suffering i know that will come. he has shown me a love that i can’t believe i lived without. He is my passion. My life. My all. this doesn’t go to say that i don’t experience daily struggle. that i don’t still doubt sometimes and lose sight of where my help comes from. but i’m learning that suffering for Christ is a blessing.
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious that gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” [1 Peter 1:6-7]
it is in those moments God continues to break my heart as His own breaks and shows me small glimpses of the deepest desires of my heart. desires that i didn’t even know i had. God is beyond any words that i could say. He is proving over and over to me how jealous He is for my heart and how much He loves me.
my heart: is being filled and broken and renewed each and every day. God is answering my prayer of breaking me and allowing me to feel how his heart breaks for his people. God is faithful. he reminds me of his faithfulness with every sunrise he blesses me with. in every thing i do, God is there. my heart has been overwhelmed these past few months; i rejoice in this. i thought i had changed so much in the time from the night God took my heart until last new years. but once again, God has much more in store for me. he has taken me to a new depth in his love and his mercy. he has consumed my thoughts and my life. my heart is learning to be patient and to trust. to await this great movement that God is asking me to step into. God is good. He will use every struggle, every joy, every moment of my life to bring his kingdom to this earth, and to bring him glory. for some reason God doesn’t want to change this world without me. God gives me the courage and strength i need to be brave and to step out in faith. it’s amazing to see that in eighth grade when i was given my confirmation verse, that it would be a verse that describes exactly what God has done in my heart.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. the old has gone, the new has come.” [2 Corinthians 5:17]
God and his love are the only answer for the reasons i am the person i am today. i am a new creation. a new heart. a new daughter and lover of the most High God.
I am Beloved.
talk to me for more information or tickets
a sent in testimony from alanah
I’ve been a so-called “Christian” my whole life. I’ve always gone to church, went to a Christian school, etc. I didn’t really live it out or even try to until the 7th grade, when I started going to youth group. Even then, I honestly didn’t like being a Christian. I was forced to read the Bible every day in school, so I viewed it as just another textbook. I saw the people in my youth group following God with so much passion, and I would get jealous. In 8th grade, I went through a time when I thought I was really close to God. I would brag to people about what I thought was a great relationship with God, but really, I was never farther away from him. I started to wonder why I wasn’t hearing from him anymore. Finally I realized that I needed to get right with God and let him lead me, not me lead him. I tried to spend time with God every day, but it was so hard because the Bible was like a textbook to me. I went through a time where it felt like God was totally ignoring me. Even when I graduated from that Christian school, I still could not feel, hear, see, or sense God in any way. I had no idea what to do. In October 2010, I was seriously considering giving up on God, but I never told anyone. I said one final prayer to God, begging him to reveal himself to me if he cared about me.
On Friday, October 22, I had the worst day of my life. I’m not even gonna go into what happened. Let’s just say I cried myself to sleep that night. The following week (October 23-October 31) was arguably the best week of my entire life. There were so many really high points and unbelievably low points in that week, but everything came together and made sense. God even came and revealed himself to me during the Jared Anderson concert on the 24th, which was exactly what I was praying for for so long.
After that one week, I was completely on fire for God, and I grew from there. I became closer than ever to all the amazing people in my church. They helped me grow even more. My heart began to break for the people at my school. Every day I would grow a little closer to God. It was so awesome.
But the enemy began to attack me like CRAZY. He attacked the weakest area of my life by lying to me about my church friends and what they secretly thought about me, and it completely depressed me. I was so sad all the time. This also made me afraid to do things that God wanted me to do, cuz I was so afraid of what they would think about me.
I suspected that this was from Satan, but I couldn’t stop believing it. I texted my good friend Nicole asking for advice, and this is what she sent me:
You need to pray and believe God is going to work with you in this. The enemy can be covering your eyes and ears from seeing and hearing what God’s telling you. God is answering your prayers, you need to be stubborn and look through your own feelings & emotions and discover that God has been telling you the truth for so long. Don’t believe these “lies” Alanah. You have so much potential. Don’t let the enemy take that away anymore.
That’s what Satan was doing. He was taking away my chances of changing my school, which is what I feel called to do. I wrote on my hand “Satan has no power over me” and reminded myself that I’m not gonna let him stop me. Ever since then, I have never been more on fire for God. I love reading the Bible now (Romans chapter 8, 12, and 15 are favorites), because it’s so encouraging. I am so thankful for my friends, especially Nicole C. and Nicole G., because without them, I wouldn’t be anywhere near where I am now in my relationship with God.
My advice is to never, ever give up on God. If he seems like he’s ignoring you, just keep praying. He will reveal himself to you, I promise. He will start to speak to you if you follow him with everything you’ve got.
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
~Philippians 4:6-7 (Message)
more coming soon!
just added some help for this blog!
another photographer is joining me and will be posting testimonies in the near future! sorry it’s been so long,
send a message if you are interested!
or you can always share your heart and send in your testimony, anonymously or openly to this site and it will get posted,
there is so much power in sharing your story, struggles, and freedom with others
